The Germans have a word for it: Schadenfreude, or "shameful delight". It's a word that means "pleasure obtained from the misfortunes of others". While the average person who delights in that sort of thing can be frightening enough, it is particularly horrifying to find this personality trait in a system administrator. Indeed, nothing seems to delight our Doug quite as much as hearing that someone wrecked their car, or watching someone receive a groin injury. So it is my hope that this first gift will provide a healthy outlet for Doug's malicious tendencies, before he starts taking it out on all of us in ways that only sysadmins can. May it provide you many hours of schadenfreude.
[ Open the wrapped box. ]
Let's hope that Doug can laugh at his own misfortune as well. But if he can't, maybe the rest of us can. Doug recently had a bout of illness, the name of which made picking out this Secret Santa gift almost too easy. Should you ever have a recurrence of this affliction, here's some colorful new varieties for you to choose from.
[Open the green bag.]