Greg,
Well, what can I say? It's been quite a year, and frankly, your Secret Santa was literally overwhelmed at the thought of what to get you. Im sure others can sympathize with this challenging dilemma. But after a bit of thought it was suddenly obvious, so congratulations! You have been promoted to the rank of Epitomy of Man!
(Creative spelling instituted as of last years award.)All of Santas records (which, I should mention, are maintained with the very same software that your company uses internally) indicate that this is the first time ever you have received this prestigious "Epitomy of Man" title. A few of my elves have assembled several small gifts in your honor. Read the numbered entry before opening the corresponding package.
So enjoy, and Merry Christmas!
Signed,
Your Secret Santa