Hey, Jimmie! Y'know, it's good to have heroes - and Santa has
learned who your hero is!! You could have picked worse,
Santa supposes... so Santa is going to help you
be more like your idol! The first thing is appearance... wear
this gift on your face!!
So, Doug is your hero. Oh, well, it could be worse, like
Adolph Hitler or Mike Tyson or someone like that. Santa
doesn't judge. You've been a good site manager this year,
but if you want to be like Doug, you've got to pick up
some of his know-how!!
[Book: "Unix for Dummies"]
OK, now you're just like Doug at work, you've got to be more
like Doug at home!! You've got to start picking up his hobbies...
but take it easy at first!! Start simple!!
Now, you're just like Doug at work and home!! You can
start taking his identity!! You've already started on
VanB's football game!!
["Taz" stuff: Pez dispenser, pencil, magnet]
There's one more part of Doug's life that you really
need in your life. But you may not be ready for the real thing
[Rubber woman, labeled "Inflatable Party Wife"]