Vanb,
Secret Santa has
been watching you all year and decided to get you some gifts that might help
you in the future.á Santa has noticed
that you have had some problems in the area of recruiting new employees for
ISX.
Do Eric Heimburg,
Steven DeVault, Vu Pham, and Ambrose Feinstein sound familiar? If Santa is correct, I believe all of these
recruitees were going to start at ISX but decided not to.
Don't worry,
Santa will put coal in all of their stockings.
The worst recruitee turned short time employee was Sandra Powers
though. Santa will be giving her
something similar in her stocking to coal but a bit softer and stinkier.
So, it seems like
you can get possible recruitees and even get them to sign up, but then they
leave either shortly after they get to ISX or before they even start. Santa believes you have the initial "blurb"
down pat to get possible recruitees to come in the door to begin with. Santa gets a little teary eyed when he reads
the "blurb" you sent to the isx-tech mailing list. It's so beautiful.
Santa believes
that perhaps you are not asking the right questions during the interviews...
questions that could help to get you to know the candidates a little bit
better.
That is why Santa
got you this first gift.
Santa got you
this wonderful book entitled Hiring the Best: A Manager's Guide to Effective
Interviewing. This book features
400 questions designed to help you find the right people for ISX.
I started to read
this book and just could not put it down.
While reading the book, I came across a few questions that I thought may
help you weed out some of the deadbeats mentioned above.
I particularly
liked three questions that all interviewers should ask the interviewees,
according to the book. They are numbers
37, 219, and 346b. Don't worry about
looking them up in the book, I've written them down on this letter.
Question number
37 says to ask a potential employee:
"Are you going to
actually start work or will you decide at the last moment not to start?"
Seems like a good
question concerning your track record lately.
Number 219 then
wants the interviewer to ask:
"Are you going to
leave in six months after your starting bonus/paid moving expenses/etc... have
been contractually obligated?"
Santa thought he
could even supplement this interview question:
Now you can
handcuff new hires so they won't leave after six months! These are the finest employee handcuffs
available on the market today and for a limited time Santa got a bonus police
whistle. The whistle could come in
handy in case the new hire somehow gets out of the cuffs. Simply blow and other ISXers will come
running to help hold down the short-time wannabe employee (kind of like the
police in London do).
Finally, question
number 346b asks:
"Did you go to
UCF?"
It seems like you
are hanging on to the past glory days at UCF.
While most men remember the different sports they played in high school
or college, you remember the times when you coached the legendary UCF programming
team when you would train the UCF programmers to:
Write a program to produce a "canonical labeling"
of a graph. That is, given an adjacency matrix A, your program should produce
an isomorphic matrix B, and given any relabeling (row-column permutation) of A,
the program should produce exactly the same output B. Your program is now
solving the "graph isomorphism" problem: A and C are isomorphic if
and only if they produce the same canonical graph B.
Well, enough of
your glory day! As suspected, there was
an entire section in the book devoted to recent UCF graduates. According to the book, people that went to
UCF tend to either unexpectantly quit right before they start working so they
can do meaningful work, such as work on a game, or quit right after six
months. Basically, the book goes on,
UCFers are out for high salaries or creating games that will never make it to
market. UCF is not what it use to
be... recruit from a real school such as
Southern Polytechnic Institute!
Santa created a
sign on the next page to hang up at ISX so possible interviewees know the
UCFers need not apply.
Merry Christmas!
UCF Graduates Need Not Apply