Dear Jennifer,

Santa can only say how pleased he is to see the contribution that you continue to make to that pitiful company that you work for. If it were not for you and your holding up the entire technical staff, I think that the company would have gone under years ago. And how you manage to put up with Hoffman and keep him from bungling up everything that he touches is just amazing.

You deserve more than Santa could possibly give you this year. You are an amazing person and an inspiration for all human-kind. All of us here (in the world) appreciate the honor to share time with you and humbly request that you continue to grace us with your presence, leadership, and inspiration!

Please accept this DVD player as a token of our appreciation and worship of you…

God bless you Ms. Lautenschlager!