Mark Hoffman,

Secret Santa has been watching you all year and knows ALL about your road trip in September from DC to Atlanta. Since the road trip was last minute, you were not quite prepared; therefore, Secret Santa has decided to help you get organized for future road trips.

The first gift will help you survive the monotony of a long trip by providing you and others in the car with hours and hours of pure entertainment!

OPEN the rectangular box then open the present with the GOLD bow. [Bobbing-head dashboard dog]

This little fellow just bobs and bobs for hours. Very exciting!

Next, Santa knows that nourishment is needed on long trips. Santa has provided the perfect sustenance for any road trip.

OPEN the present with a green bow. [Beef Jerky]

Oh boy! Oberto is America’s number one beef jerky!

Of course after eating all that jerky, you’ll need this next present… badly…

OPEN the present with the red bow. [Auto Air Freshener]

Yes indeed! Santa recommends opening the entire pack after consuming all the beef jerky. You may even want to open a window or two.

Santa heard that you had some trouble keeping your Gluteus Maximus alert and pain free on the long trip home from DC. Apparently, this almost caused a wreck with a police cruiser as you tried to revive your largest butt muscle from the dead by flexing it in the air! Anyway, hopefully this gift will assist and keep you butt awake.

OPEN the last wrapped present. [Beaded auto seat cover]

Go ahead and try this neat gadget that taxi drivers world wide use to maintain attentive buttocks.

FINALLY, OPEN the last envelope. [Printed directions from DC to Atlanta, Texas]

Secret Santa had Lisa print out some directions to get from DC to Atlanta. Hopefully she’s got the right Atlanta! You might want to make sure.

Finally, Secret Santa would like to thank you for being such a special and wonderfully great leader for the Atlanta office. Without your leadership ability, your capacity to lead, and your guidance as a leader this past year probably would not have been as great.

Merry Chrismas ‘O Great Leader!

Secret Santa